Mr. Tesander!
- Yep? - How's it coming?
It's coming.
Mr. Tesander?
- Yep? - What I meant was...
...how far down are you?
Oh, about 130 feet.
- Isn't that pretty deep? - Yep.
I mean, do you think perhaps you ought to try another spot?
Up to you.
Haven't you hit anything yet at all?
Hit some limestone yesterday.
- That's good? - That's bad.
Right now, looks like we're coming into some shale.
- That's bad? - That's good.
- But it might turn out to be sandstone. - That's bad.
Can't tell.
Might be good, might be bad.
One thing you know: You got plenty shale, sandstone and limestone.
- I see. - Mr. Tesander.
- How do you do? - How do you do?
Just for the record, of course, what happened to water?
Oh, it's there, all right.
Just got to be patient.
- What's wrong with the steam shovel? - I better go and take a look.
- Jim! - Come here.
Thank you.
- What's the matter? Is something wrong? - How do you like that?
I broke my bucket. Two times this week, I broke my bucket.
- What did you do, hit a boulder? - That's no boulder. That's a ledge.
- What does that mean? - Means we gotta blast.
- Blast? - Blast, with dynamite.
- What do you mean? - What do you mean, "what do you mean"?
Mr. Zucca explained, he has to use dynamite to blast to get rid of the rock.
That's no rock. That's a ledge.
What Mr. Blandings means is, what precisely is a ledge?
A ledge is like a big stone, only it's bigger.
- Like a boulder. - No, like a ledge.
- Like a ledge. - But you don't have to worry.
It only costs $6 a cubic yard, plus the dynamite and the fuse.
How far will you have to blast?
Hard to tell. Might be a little baby ledge, might run the whole top of the mountain.
At $6 a yard, do you realize what that means?
It means we gotta blast.
With a few minor deviations, I know exactly where every penny is going.
- Is that all? - Yes, thanks.
- Hi. - Hello, Bill. Come in.
I've been going over the Knapp contracts with old man Dascomb.
While I was in there, the conversation got around to you.
- Oh, what is it? - Well, he didn't say in so many words...
...that since you started with that house you haven't come up with one slogan.
- But? - But...
- Where is it? - It's there.
But since the Wham account is the backbone of this agency...
...I kind of felt that he kind of felt...
...that if I kind of told you, you'd know that he knew that you knew, or something...
What's he worrying about? The deadline is six months off.
- Yeah? - Mrs. Blandings calling from Lansdale.
Okay.
Yes, Muriel? What?
Tesander struck water? Say, that's wonderful!
- Bill, we've got our well! - Congratulations.
What?
What's that?
What do you mean, we've got two wells?
I'll be right out. Come on, Bill.
So you hit a spring, a bubbling spring, right here in our cellar.
It has to be diverted before Retch can pour cement.
May take a while. Pumps are over in Jersey.
- Water, Mr. Tesander. - Yep.
At 6 feet.
Yep.
And just over there, you had to go down 227 feet to hit the same water.
- Yep. - Now, how do you account for that?
Well, the way it appears to me, Mr. Blandings...
...over here, the water is down around 6 feet.
And over there...
...it's down around 227 feet. - It's down around 227 feet.
Yep.
What's this, another closet?
- This happens to be our living room. - This isn't it.
- Living room's across the hall. - Then where's the dining room?
Well, I think it's...
- Maybe it's this little room. - That's the breakfast room.
That isn't the breakfast room, that's the powder room.
- Just where is the dining room? - It was right here a minute ago.
- We couldn't just have lost it. - Better put an ad in the paper.
I don't get this Blandings at all.
If you build on the windiest hill in Connecticut, why pick the windiest side?
You know those New York millionaires. Easy come, easy go.
- Now, here is the living room. Right? - Yes. There's the fireplace.
- Come right in. - After you, Rockefeller.
- Hey, mister. You the owner here? - Yeah.
Just the man I want to see.
I'll browse around upstairs.
The second-floor lintels between the lally columns, should we rabbet them?
The second-floor lallies?
Second-floor lintels between the lallies.
Oh, the lintels between the lallies.
Yeah, from the blueprints you can't tell. You want they should be rabbeted?
- No, no, I guess not. - Okay, you're the doctor.
Hey, fellas! If you got any of them rabbeted lintels set, rip them up!
It sounded less expensive to say no.
Stop it! Stop it!
Okay, fellas, let's quit!
Now look what you've done.
Look, men!
Mrs. Blandings didn't mean anything.
There's no point in walking off a job because a woman makes a remark.
Look, mister, it's Saturday. We quit at 12:00.
Unless you want us to go on overtime.
No, no, no. Very kind of you, I'm sure.
See you Monday, fellas.
I'm sick.
From the outside, this place looks like a grain elevator.
On the inside, everything's miles too small.
- What's that? - What's what?
That noise. It's upstairs.
- What happened? - The door blew shut. I got locked in.
Impossible. I had this closet built especially for myself.
- The lock opens from the inside. - Maybe for Houdini, not for me.
Nothing to it, a child could do it. Look, I'll show you.
See? It just takes some good old Yankee know-how.
It's possible, darling, the lock works for you and not for Bill.
- Ridiculous. Even you could do it. - Thank you.
Come on, I'll show you. Get in.
Now go ahead, dear. Just open the door.
- I don't seem to be able to... - Well, it's perfectly simple.
You just take the knob and turn it clockwise.
Nothing like that good old Yankee know-how.
Hey!
Somebody let us out of here!
Oh, dear.
If I could just get over to that scaffolding.
Seems a shame, but I guess it's the only way to do it.
- What are you gonna do? - Don't get panicky. I'll get you out of here.
Stand up, Bill. Hold that over the window.
Stand back, Muriel.
- Ready? - Roger.
In case of emergency, break glass.
Come on, Bill.
That's funny. There's no reason why that shouldn't work.
- Wham again. - Yes, sir.
- Muriel, I thought we'd agreed... - Gussie, no more Wham for Mr. Blandings.
- What about the rest of us? - I'm sure there are other substitutes.
- Bacon, sausages... - The children like Wham.
- There must be other... - Mrs. Blandings likes it too.
- Just the same... - And I consider it very tasty.
Gussie, I spend eight hours every day...
...trying to cram this stuff down the throats of millions.
I know all about it. Its succulent goodness.
- Its sugar-smoked tenderness. Its... - You don't have to sell me. I like it.
Oh, thank you.
Just bills.
Darling, I'm going out to the place this afternoon.
Bill's driving me up to see about the landscaping.
That'll be nice.
- What do you mean, Bill's driving you? - Why do you ask...
...when you know what I mean and what you mean?
I mean, the moment I turn my back, Bill Cole's driving you someplace.
- He's being helpful. - I thought he was a lawyer.
- Why isn't he out suing somebody? - Bicker, bicker, bicker.
- Well, we'll just see about that! - What is it?
- What's the matter, Jim? - Mr. William Cole, please.
Hello, Bill. They can't get away with this.
I know my rights as a citizen.
Why, this notice from the owner of this building.
He wants our apartment. He's ordering us to move in 30 days.
How can I move into a house that isn't even finished?
There are no windows, no plaster, no paint...
Listen to me. I have no intention of moving in 30 days.
This is not legal. I'll fight it and I don't care if it takes every penny I've got.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- All right. - Well?
We're moving in 30 days.
So came 30 days. And they moved.
That is, we moved.
Well, there she is, bright and shiny.
And just about complete.
The residence of Mr. And Mrs. James Blandings.
"All right, everybody out."
Guess you can't blame them for feeling just a little bit proud.
Even Theodore's proud.
"All right, men. Let's have a little action." "Okay, Mac."
The big moment.
Look. He wants to carry her across the threshold.
Isn't that romantic?
Watch that sacroiliac.
Fifteen years since you've done this sort of thing.
Nice work, Tarzan. Now let's see if you can make it into the living room.
That's right. Go right in. Don't pay attention to the sign.
"Look where you're going! Can't you see I'm varnishing?"
"Stop painting that floor and put some planks down in here!"
"Okay, Mac, but take it easy. The Republicans ain't in yet, you know. "
"There. I'll just see Simms about this."
"Oh, Father! Wait till you see what we found. "
"Now what?
Oh, fine. No windows.
Well, we'll just see Simms about that too. "
- Where's Simms? - Around back, figuring out them windows.
- What's the problem? You put windows up. - These don't fit.
Oh, they don't, don't they?
Mr. Blandings, you'd better take a look at these bills.
- What about the windows? - There's been a slip-up.
These windows belong to a Mr. Landing in Fishkill.
- I spoke to him on the phone. - Well, has he got mine?
No. He seems to have some windows that belong to a Mr. Blandsworth in Peekskill.
- Where are my windows? - As near as we can find out...
...they've been sent to a Mr. Banning in Danbury...
...or a Mr. Bamberger in Waterbury.
Shall we spend the rest of our lives in a house without windows?
It will only be a few days.
- What's a "Zuz-zuz water softener"? - How should I know?
You've got one.
"Furnishing and installing one Zuz-zuz water softener, $285..."
- I didn't order that! - I authorized that, Mr. Blandings.
- To save your boiler and water pipes. - From?
Rust. The plumber says the water in your well...
...is the most corrosive in his entire experience.
- Another first. - Well, if it's necessary, put it in.
- We're moving in today... - It's in.
- Then get me the bill for it. - You've got it.
Well, all right, then.
- That's right, upstairs in the bedroom. - Mother!
- The moving vans just left... - Never mind. Help Gussie in the kitchen.
- Now, Mr. PeDelford, we'll discuss painting. - Okay.
I had some samples. Here we are.
Now, first, the living room.
I want it to be a soft green.
- Not as blue-green as a robin's egg. - No.
But not as yellow-green as daffodil buds.
Now, the only sample I could get is a little too yellow.
But don't let whoever does it get it too blue.
- No. - It should be a sort of grayish yellow-green.
Now the dining room. I'd like yellow.
Not just yellow. A very gay yellow.
Something bright and sunshiny.
I tell you, if you'll send one of your workmen to the grocer...
...for a pound of their best butter and match that exactly, you can't go wrong.
This is the paper we'll use in the hall. It's flowered.
But I don't want the ceiling to match any colors of the flowers.
There are some little dots in the background.
And it's these dots I want you to match.
Not the little greenish dot near the hollyhock leaf.
But the little bluish dot between the rosebud and the delphinium blossom.
Is that clear?
Now, the kitchen's to be white.
- Not a cold, antiseptic, hospital white. - No.
A little warmer, but still, not to suggest any other color but white.
Now, for the powder room in here, I want you to match this thread.
And don't lose it. It's the only spool I have and I had an awful time finding it.
As you can see, it's practically an apple red.
Somewhere between a healthy Winesap and an unripened Jonathan.
Oh, excuse me.
- You got that, Charlie? - Red, green, blue, yellow, white.
Check.
Oh, Joan.
I'm awful sorry.
You knew Father was supposed to carry the heavy things.
Father disappeared. I haven't seen him for an hour.
Where's Uncle Bill, Mother? He'll miss his train!
If they've run off somewhere, it certainly isn't very...
Heavens.
- I thought you were going to take care of it. - I thought you were.
You're gonna miss your train, Uncle Bill. It leaves Lansdale in 25 minutes.
I hate to leave this little place.
Just four walls and a couple of nail kegs, but to me it'll always be home.
- Isn't there a later one? - Not till tomorrow morning at 6:15.
- You mean 7:15. - No, Dad, 6:15.
What about the 7:15 I'm supposed to take to the office?
There's a little asterisk. The 7:15 runs only Saturdays, Sundays and holidays.
What? Bill, let me see that.
- Muriel. - Oh, dear, don't tell me I read it wrong.
That's fine. I'll have to get up at 5 in the morning to catch the 6:15...
...to get to my office at 8. It opens at 9 and I never get there until 10.
Maybe if you start earlier you can leave earlier.
To get home earlier to get to bed earlier to get up earlier?
Maybe you can get it pushed to 4:15. Then you won't have to go to bed.
- You'll miss your train. - I'll drive you to the station.
I can drive him!
No, dear. You'd better save your strength. You have to get up at 5.
It would be nice if you could spend your vacation up here, Bill.
We'll see how things work out at the office.
I tell you, I'll scour around and see if I can find you a cottage in Lansdale.
If you can't find me a cottage, I can always move back into that closet.
- Father! - Now look what you've done.
Father, the first principle of lighting a fire is to see if the flue is open.
- A 3-year-old child knows that. - Next time we want a fire...
...l'll send out for a 3-year-old child. Get that stuff cleaned up...
...then help Gussie set the table. It's getting late.
- Look, Dad. Your fraternity pins. - Pins? I only had one.
- There are two of them here. - All right, just put them away.
Funny. This one says "W.C." on the back of it.
W.C.? William Cole! It must be Uncle Bill's.
Let me see that.
- What's that? - It's Mother's diary from college.
- It's slightly torrid. - Let's see.
That's none of your business.
I'd say Mother and Uncle Bill were somewhat of an item.
People do not read other people's diaries.
That's not a very nice thing to do. Now, go help Gussie.
- What about...? - I'll take care of that.
Excuse.
Muriel, do you have to do that now?
There's no need to be irritable because you have to shave at night.
- I'm not irritable. - You haven't said a civil word all evening.
Sometimes a man doesn't feel like talking.
- What is it, dear? Something at the office? - No.
- You got the new slogan for Wham? - It's not due yet.
It's something. You're certainly upset about something.
I can always tell.
I'm not upset.
It's just that I don't approve of falsehood and deception, particularly in my own wife.
- What are you talking about? - Oh, nothing.
I distinctly remember you saying you gave Bill back his fraternity pin 15 years ago.
- What? - Did you or didn't you?
- Did I or didn't I what? - Give it back to him.
Well, of course I did. If I said I did, I did.
Then perhaps you'll have the goodness to explain how this fell out of your jewel box.
- What's so funny? - You.
You're jealous!
If you were so crazy for him, why didn't you marry him?
- Because I wasn't in love with him. - That's not what you said in your diary.
Now you've been reading my diary!
It just happened to fall open. And I happened to look at it.
- It just happened. - I'll just bet.
- It's all over the book! - The children.
Then why don't you admit it. You were in love with Bill Cole.
Of course I was in love with Bill. Those days, I was in love with a new man every week.
- Then why did you marry me? - I'm beginning to wonder.
Maybe it was those big cow eyes or that ridiculous hole in your chin.
Maybe I knew you were gonna bring me out to this $38,000 icebox...
...with a dried-up stream and no windows. Maybe I happened to fall in love with you...
...but for heaven's sakes, don't ask me why!
What time is it?
- 9:20. - Thank you.
Muriel, would it do any good to say I'm sorry?
- I don't know. - Well, I am.
I've behaved like a schoolboy and I'm sorry.
Oh, Jim.
Why don't you take the soap out of your ears.
Why do I love you so much?
Darling, it's awfully late.
Maybe you ought to go down and lock the doors.
What for? The windows are all open anyway.
You have to get up at 5:00.
Yeah, I guess so.
Good night.
So the days sped by. And the bills and the extras.
And as autumn reared its lovely head...
... so did the deadline for Jim's slogan.
It was practically a photo finish.
Send out for sandwiches and coffee. Looks like an all-night session.
- What did Mr. Dascomb say? - He said, "Blandings...
"...I want that slogan on my desk by 9 in the morning. Check?"
- I said, "Check." - You'll have to dream something up...
...good or bad. - I got the impression that it better be good.
Funny how you look forward to the little things.
Rain, for instance.
For a month now I've been looking forward to the first rainy night at the house.
Big, blazing fire. Muriel pouring coffee.
Me in my new smoking jacket.
With my pipe and slippers, reading my newspaper.
Well.
Do you suppose my clothes are dry yet?
Thank heavens. The children.
Sit still. You look too comfortable.
What a night! I'm Harry Selby from down the road.
- Won't you come in? - Thank you.
I'm afraid I'm gonna get your place all wet.
I just came in to tell you that the kids are safe, Mr. Blandings.
Oh, I'm not Mr. Blandings. Cole's the name. Bill Cole.
Friend of the family. Just came in out of the rain.
- I'm Mrs. Blandings. - Oh, how do?
Mrs. Williams called and says your phone is out of order.
She wanted me to tell you the water's rising. They've got the bridge roped off.
- Your girls will spend the night at her place. - Thank you. I was beginning to worry.
- She'll take good care of them. - May I get you some coffee?
No, thank you. I'd better get back before I have to swim for it.
- Night, Mrs. Blandings. - I'm very grateful.
- Not at all. Night, Mr. Bland... - Cole. Bill Cole. Friend of the family.
Just came in out of the rain.
- Well, good night. - Good night. And thank you.
No bridge. That's fine.
- How do I get back to Lansdale? - You'll just have to spend the night here.
Muriel, really? With your husband in New York and your children away?
- Think of my reputation. - Don't worry, Snow White.
You'll be as just pure and unsullied in the morning as you were the night before.
That's the story of my life.
Compare the price Compare the slice
Take our advice Buy Wham!
If you'd buy better ham You'd better buy Wham
It's Boyle Petroleum.
If you'd buy better oil You'd better buy Boyle
Yeah.
This little piggy went to market As meek and as mild as a lamb
He smiled in his tracks When they slipped him the ax
He knew he'd turn out to be Wham
Yeah. "He knew he'd turn out to be Wham."
It's gone! I've lost my touch.
Oh, well. Maybe I never had a touch. Who knows? I can't think anymore.
All I've got on my mind is a house with an $ 18,000 mortgage.
And bills and extras and antiques and, and...
Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
- Where are you going? - Home to get some sleep. You do the same.
- But you haven't... - Suppose I haven't.
- This isn't the only job in town. - What'll I tell Mr. Dascomb?
Oh, just tell him to...! Just tell him.
- I'm sorry Jim isn't here. - I was on my way to town anyway.
- Thought I might catch Jim. - Sure you won't stay to breakfast?
- No, thanks very much all the same. - Darling!
- Good morning, dear. - You must be exhausted.
- How did it go? - Fine, fine.
- Everything all right? - Everything's fine.
Oh, hello, Henry. What are you doing up with the morning dew?
Came to check the blueprints. Some extras came in from Retch.
There are a couple things we should go over.
- Really? What are they? - Well, let's see.
A few things here that are all right, I guess.
- "Mortising five butts, $ 1.98." - Let's not quibble about it.
A man's entitled to mortise a few butts now and then.
- "Extra hardware, $3.89." - Petty larceny, but let them get away with it.
Now, there's one here that, frankly, I don't understand. Here we are.
"Changes in closet, $ 1247." Did you authorize that?
Well, we probably told him to...
- Twelve hundred and what? - $47. "Changes in closet."
That's the end!
What's this notation? "Refer to detail sheet 135."
Near as I can remember, that's something in back of the house. Let's take a look.
Here we are.
It isn't a closet at all. It's off the back pantry.
Mrs. Blandings' little flower sink.
Oh, Mrs. Blandings' little flower sink.
You didn't authorize any changes, did you?
Well, they certainly weren't changes.
- What have you done? - I haven't done anything.
All I did was... Just nothing at all.
What have you done?
Well...
All I did was, one day I saw four pieces of flagstone left over from the porch...
...that were just going to be thrown away. And I asked Mr. Retch...
...if he wouldn't put them on the flower room floor...
...and poke a little cement between the cracks and make a stone floor...
...where it might be wet with flowers and things.
That's absolutely all I did.
- That's all you did. - Absolutely.
Just four little pieces of flagstone.
- Did you, by any chance, authorize a drain? - Of course I didn't.
All I said was that I wanted a nice, dry stone floor...
...and Mr. Retch was just as nice as he could be and said:
"Well, you're the doctor."
And that was all that anybody said to anybody about anything.
- Well? - I think I can tell you what happened.
First, the carpenters had to rip out the flooring.
Those planks run under the width of the pantry, so Retch had to knock out the wall.
Then he had to chop off the top of the joists to make room for the cradle.
I guess he got some iron straps and fastened them to a large pan to hold the cement.
With that load on the weakened joists...
...I bet he had to put a lally column down there for support.
- I'll bet. - It was just four little flagstones...
- Quiet! - The main soil pipe runs under there.
So Retch had to get the plumber back, take out a section to get the cradle set.
And I'll bet he had to change the pitch of the soil pipe.
- Good morning, Mr. Cole. - Morning. Morning, Jim.
Hello, Bill.
And there are hot and cold water pipes right under the pantry.
They'd run to the bathroom on the second floor...
The bridge was roped off. Bill had to stay here.
- Slept like a rock. ...about 60 feet of armored cable...
...between the main panel and junction box.
Including the 220-volt cable to the stove.
Morning, everybody. What a night!
I never seen so much rain in all my natural life!
- Gussie spent the night in Lansdale. - I passed the girls at the Williams'.
- They'll be on any minute. - Thank you. You better start breakfast.
Yes, ma'am.
Where were we?
We were at the 220-volt cable that goes to the stove.
And there are water pipes hooked to the...
Just a minute. You mean the children weren't here last night either?
- How could they? The bridge was closed. - I just came across.
- It was closed last night! - It's open now.
Well, if you'll all excuse me, I think I'll just go upstairs...
...and slip into something a little more comfortable.
I guess that's about the size of it.
Except that Retch had to repair the pantry wall. And he couldn't possibly...
...have broken through it without... - All right, we'll take care of it.
I'll admit, it's a little steep, but I'll try and get Retch to knock $ 100 off the bill.
- Lf I can't get that, I'll certainly try for 75. - Fine.
- Lf not 75, I'll make a stab at 50. - You do that.
Anyhow, I'm almost sure we can get 25.
- Good day. - Good day.
Bye.
Darling.
You're upset.
You've got a lot of things on your mind.
Muriel, there's only one thing I've got on my mind:
This house and how soon we can get rid of it!
- That's not what you're thinking. - Maybe.
Maybe I'm thinking I was once a happy man.
I didn't have a closet or three bathrooms, but I did have my sanity...
...a few dollars, two children and a wife I could trust!
- That's a fine thing to say. - I also had a job at Dascomb and Banton.
- Something I don't have at the moment. - Jim!
That's right, I've resigned. We're starting all over from scratch.
- And without this house! - You love this house.
I hate it. From its rabbeted lintels to its Zuz-zuz water softener.
- You know you don't mean that. - Every word of it.
Anybody who builds a house today is crazy!
The minute you start, they put you on the all-American sucker list.
You start out to build a home and wind up in the poorhouse!
If it can happen to me, what about those who aren't making $ 15,000?
What about the newlyweds who want a home of their own?
It's a conspiracy, I tell you, against every boy and girl who were ever in love!
What do you want?
Mr. Blandings, there's a matter of $ 12.36.
Twelve dollars and thirty-six cents.
Why be a piker, Mr. Tesander?
Here, take everything I've got. Spread it out amongst your pals!
Perhaps Retch would like a little something.
Maybe Zucca could use my new smoking jacket! It's open house! Help yourself!
Now, hold on, Mr. Blandings.
This $ 12.36 you don't owe me. I owe you.
- What was that? - Yep.
Found I overcharged you, almost three feet.
Better count it. I think it's all there.
Thank you very much, Mr. Tesander.
Well...
...I guess I better be going.
You sure got a pretty place here.
Take good care of it.
I'll tell Mr. Zucca about the smoking jacket.
Darling, what did you mean?
Are we really going to have to sell this house?
I don't know, dear. I don't know anything anymore.
In case anyone's interested, I'm leaving for town.
Oh, Mr. Tesander! Could you give me a lift into Lansdale?
- Yep. - Fine, I'll be right with you.
If you wanna count the silverware, I'll wait.
Be patient with me, Bill.
Maybe one of these days I'll grow up.
- What happened to him? - $ 12.36.
You mind if I say something?
Ever since this thing started, I've been the voice of doom about the project.
Every step of the way, I've been convinced you were getting fleeced, bilked...
...rooked, flimflammed, and generally taken to the cleaners.
Maybe you were. Maybe it cost you a lot more than you thought it would.
Maybe there were times when you wish you'd never started.
But when I look at what you two have got here...
Well, I don't know.
Maybe there are some things you should buy with your heart, not your head.
Maybe those are the things that really count.
Well, see you around.
Bye, dear.
- Oh, oh, Uncle Bill! - Well, hi!
I heard all about it, you had a wonderful night. Your mother's in there. Goodbye!
Bye! Morning, everybody.
Dad, why aren't you at the office?
- Well, I'm on a kind of vacation. - You mean you got fired?
- We'll discuss it later. - Come and get it, everybody!
- Breakfast is ready! - Good, I'm starving! What are we having?
Orange juice, scrambled eggs and you-know-what!
- Ham? - Not ham, Wham!
If you ain't eating Wham, you ain't eating ham!
Now, you kids go wash your hands.
Muriel! Darling! Give Gussie a $ 10 raise!
Drop in and see us sometime.
Yeah, do that.
[ENGLISH]